Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Attacks, some self-inflicted

Stressful weekend. Had to work Saturday. Yuck. Even though I get Friday off, it never seems to come out even. You’d think after almost thirteen years at this job I’d be used to working every third weekend. Nope.

Then there was the “church” thing. I finally called my Anglican priest to resign from the vestry and tell him I was moving toward Orthodoxy. He asked me some hard questions most of which I have been asking myself for months. He did have a good question though…. “when you think about the Orthodox church do you feel peace?”. I could honestly answer yes. By contrast, even the times when I felt the most eager about becoming Roman Catholic there was always some measure of doubt or confusion be it small or great. I did not have the complete peace I have about Orthodoxy. And I was getting NO peace in the Anglican Church which is really strange for me because I have loved Anglicanism for all of my adult life. But every Sunday lately, I’d go to church and have this feeling that I wasn’t supposed to be there. Yes, I know the enemy of our souls could be the cuprit there but it didn't feel like it. Actually, all the endless, tortured questioning of myself over my motives for converting to Orthodoxy....that felt like him.

Of course all this discernment has taken a tremendous amount of time since I have to second-guess every thought I have and change my mind at least three times. Hey, it’s what I do.

Okay, so I make the phone call to my priest and immediately after hanging up start having a major anxiety attack. This too is what I do. Welcome to my world.

5 comments:

Anna said...

Hello Nancy,

I found your blog through Father Stephen's site. We seem to have libraries, knitting, Oklahoma, and some our faith journey in common.

Blessings,

Anna

Nancy said...

Cool! Where in OK are you?

handmaid mary-leah said...

Congrats on making the journey...
Mary-Leah

Anna said...

I'm in Lawton....which is far from any Orthodox parish. With gas prices the way they are...it would be a financial hardship for us to attend services in Wichita Falls or Norman. :( Still, this particular location won't be forever...so I will take Father Stephen's advice to develop a common prayer life while we are here.

Anna

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